Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned

I spent a long time in confession this Sunday.

“Let us all come together and meditate on the word of the Lord,” Father Douglas was saying.

I sat through this divine message during chapel today. And I felt GUILTY . . . Meditation IS wonderful. It’s a complete re-focusing of the body’s energies on one single topic:

Sex.

I am now treading a spiritual path of unity. The unity of two bodies, intertwined in perfect fucking harmony. I am now a devout practitioner of Tantric sex.

Sure, it’s an Indian Hindu practice, but the great thing about Christianity is that we’re told to love all people. We even respect all peoples’ belief systems.

Most of all, I respect a dick in my pussy.

I derived so much pleasure from my last Neotantric workshop. In that room, SEXUALITY is sacred. My favorite position is Rock-a-Bye Booty. Sitting on the floor across from my male partner, I scooted into his cock. Then I looped my legs over his shoulders. He pounded into my screw hole so fucking hard. This position increased the blood flowing to our nether regions, and made us orgasm so much more seriously.

My new mantra is: I LOVE TANTRA

(SEX, that is)

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