This is the bastard that started it all. My Mom is a perfectionist. She has a vapid case of OCD. God isn’t as perfect as she is, and it drives the family nuts. My Father learned a long time ago NOT to do the family vacation thing with all of us. My Mother would have panic attacks over the stupidest shit.
My Sister is a huge teddy bear collector. I’m not talking crappy Teddy Bears, I’m talking extremely rare and expensive ones. She found an ad on Craigslist for one such Teddy Bear but it was in NYC. She called me and asked me if I would like to go with her and that there was a huge surprise in it for me if I decided to go along. I’m all for huge surprises, especially if those huge surprises are slamming in and out of my pussy, but I digress.
I told her I would love to have a free trip to NYC. She laughed and agreed that she would pay. I told her I would be there. When I arrived I found out what my huge surprise was. My Mother, Father, Brother, and two of my other Sisters were going as well. I was pissed. I remember the couple of trips that we went on when I was small and remembered how my Mother acted. I wasn’t happy about having a repeat of her crazy OCD showing up over something small, but since I was already there I just pretended that I was excited to see everyone and off we went.
Now it is a long ride from here to NYC, but with everyone taking turns driving it would go quickly. We had stopped somewhere to eat dinner and on the way out I grabbed a few of those crayons so I could give them to my one Niece who loves to eat them. I thought it would be a great gesture toward my sneaky sister to say thank you for the ambush tactic. Here I had forgot about them and they must of slipped out of my pocket when I was sleeping in the back seat.
We get to NYC and drive around a bit, then park the SUV and head off into the crowd just to stretch our legs. We made our way to Times Square, my Mom was almost hyperventilating because of the smell, the way the people were not dressed to match, and nothing being orderly. She was clutching my Father’s hand so hard. What a trooper right? Wrong! We finally have to stop walking around because my Mother is now in full on panic mode, she is actually YELLING at us to hurry up! You know that the yelling is bad if the people of NYC actually stop to look at you because of it. We were almost running back to the car. We all jump in, my Mother gets in the back by me and my brother and I see the melted crayon. I tried to grab it but she saw me and the face she made, I thought she was going to suck my soul right out through my nose. She started to freak the fuck out. Over a fucking melted crayon. She went ape shit, I am not even kidding. People were calling 911 because within a few minutes a couple of cops came up to the SUV. See…Cluster Fuck!
My Mother almost was arrested because she wouldn’t stop going on and on about the damn crayon. The cops thought she was having some sort of psychotic snap or something. I looked at my sister and said, “Fuck this shit, I’m flying back home, have fun getting your bear with that looney bitch.” I grabbed my stuff, got a taxi, went to a hotel for a few days, fucked with anyone and everyone who I could pick up in some of the bars, then flew home. I will never ever do that shit again.
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